


check my vital signs (to know i'm still alive)

by louismoony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and anxiety, Draco and Luna Friendship, Draco draws, Draco has a tattoo, Draco is Sad, F/F, F/M, HP: EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Oops, and issues, draco has scars, dracos a mommas boy, he also dyes his hair, hes basically a sad gay artist, how could i almost forget?, i don't like lucuis so i put him in azkaban, sue me, the only professor at hogwarts is slughorn, they mainly come from the scars, they play truth or dare like once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 17:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11994378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louismoony/pseuds/louismoony
Summary: “if one more person mentions my hair i swear to god i’m going to commit first degree murder in front of, like, a hundred witnesses” harry laughs and pulls him closer“i like it” draco looked up at him“i don’t give a fuck what you like, you wanted me to dye it red”orthe one where draco is unhappy so he dyes his hair, gets a tattoo and starts drawing, and harry is silently pinning in the corner





	check my vital signs (to know i'm still alive)

**Author's Note:**

> please be nice this is my first drarry fic and the first fic i've written in like thirteen years. the title is by "boulevard of broken dreams" by green day because i tried to make this as emo as possible. i hope you enjoy it, i got writers block like at the end so

_~~~_

_“the wasted years, the wasted youth, the pretty lies, the ugly truth”_

_marina and the diamonds, teen idle_

_~~~_

draco malfoy didn’t care. he really, really, didn’t care.

at least that's what he told himself as he walked into knockturn alley, the second he floo’d in people were already sneering at him. he went to markus scarrs indelible tattoos then to podric batsworthy xxii beard trimming, and left knockturn alley as soon as he was finished there. he then spent the rest of his day in muggle london buying clothes, things that wouldn’t remind him of the war, because he definitely didn’t care for it.

it was nice, he thought, walking in the streets without glaring at him. one person even helped him pick up something he had dropped, it was so refreshing, he had forgotten people could be nice to him.

he walked into the manor, placing the bags of clothes on the ground and walked straight up to his mom, who was sitting in the kitchen. he didn't care what she would say about his hair, or his tattoo or his new muggle clothing, he didn't. however the second he walked into the the kitchen and her eyes went straight to his newly blue hair he began to have his doubts. as she opened her mouth to ask him what in merlin’s great grey beard he had done he put out a hand, that was surprisingly steady. he pulled up his left sleeve and held it out for his mother to see. she gasped loudly, “draco.” her eyes stared at the narcissus flowers that gently swayed around his dark mark. “w-why? what have you done?”

“you are the reason i’m alive, mum. everything you did and tried to do helped me do the right thing in the end. i may have been a death-eater because of my father, but i am not a death-eater because you helped me, and i got this to remember that i am may be my father's son, who has done bad things, but i am also yours, and i can do good things because of you” his she looked up at him and hugged him tightly 

“thank you” he could feel a few sobs drag from her body as he held her tight.

“anything for you, mum” he rubbed her back as they held each other tight. she pulled back and looked him in the eye.

“please owl me if anything happens, okay? i mean anything. i don’t want you hurt any more. please just try to enjoy your time at hogwarts. i know goyle will be there, mr. zabini and ms. parkinson as well. please do not isolate yourself, draco”

“of course, mum”

“with that being said,” she pulled back from their hug “why blue?” she put her hands into his hair and played with it 

“i just really like the colour blue, it came out nicer than i thought it would. i was afraid it would come out like a ravenclaw blue or something.” 

“it is a very beautiful pastel colour, draco” she smiled “would you like some tea?” 

“i would love some” he kissed her cheek and sat at the table as she made their tea.

_~~~_

_“i'll be good, and i'll love the world, like i should”_

_jaymes young, i’ll be good_

_~~~_

everyone stared at him as he walked through the great hall. his ancient ruins textbook was under his arm and he kept his face neutral. he didn’t care about the little whispers that laced the tables around him, some people stared at him in disgust and others stared in disbelief, and he really, really didn’t care when he saw harry potter staring at him. no matter what anybody said he liked his hair, and his jeans. sure, they clung to his thighs and his knees stuck out of holes but he liked them. small whispers became louder as he sat at the end of the table next to his friends. pansy smiled at him before everyone except for goyle exchanged glances and stood up and moved farther down the table, leaving the two alone. he tried to tell himself that he didn't care that they left, that he didn’t need them and kept his face as neutral as he could. it wasn’t as if he didn't see this coming. “you can leave if you’d like, i wouldn’t blame you” goyle looked down at him and grunted, beginning to grab food and fill his plate, which made him feel so much better. even after he practically killed crabbe, he still had goyle.

“your hair is blue” he grumbled out

“your hair is brown” draco looked over at goyle, a small smile etched onto his face.

“it looks nice”

“thank you.” goyle was certainly a man of few words, maybe that's why he liked him so much, is he hadn’t he probably wouldn’t have spent time learning what each of his grunts meant. he looked back down at his book and mcgonagall began her speech.

as the first years walked between the tables he looked up. they looked small, he could remember how excited he was, to live up to the malfoy name and be sorted into slytherin, that certainly went well.

he was about to look back to his book before his eyes scanned the gryffindor table. it was an old habit he had, as he traced from the second years past she-weasley, past granger and weasel and landing on the one and only harry potter who was staring straight at him. his hair was still messy, but it was longer and starting to curl, yet he still had those ugly glasses (surely he could buy a new bloody pair, he probably had more money than himself now. his mother had told him about how sirius has donated his fortune to the potter family, which was only him now.) 

draco smiled nervously at potter, who had been staring at him so intensely he got the shivers. potters face turned red with anger and his mouth opened slightly when draco smiled. draco had turned back to his book as the children were sorted. most of them steering clear from slytherin, only thirteen new students. he tried not to think about why that was, why there were only thirteen new slytherins. he tried not to think about every new student, looking at him in fear. hed return every look with a smile. one kid cried after looking at him, so he decided to stop looking at them.

he looked down the length of the slytherin table, and it made him a little upset. there were so many holes in the table, he had known many of the students that had died in the battle, when he looked at the other tables there were small holes, but the table he sat at was sparse. even with the new additions there were at most thirty people sitting.

his book was pushed out of the way and a plate was placed in front of him by goyle. he smiled up at him listened as mcgonagall began to speak about the students coming back from their eighth year. “to promote inter-house unity all students returning for their eighth year will report to the astronomy tower. we have created a common room and dorms for you to stay at for the year. each student will receive their room assignments.” even though he really didn’t care who his roommate would have been. he had spoken to mcgonagall before the beginning of the term and asked for his own room. he had told her he didn’t care to start trouble and he was sure that his roommate would attempt to fight with him, even if he didn’t want to. 

she was more than happy to give him his own room. she smiled widely when he said he was coming back to hogwarts, she surely thought that the owl she sent out wouldn’t bring many students, no matter how much she emphasized that ‘all students will be welcomed back with open arms, the war is over and any fighting between slytherins and any house will be dealt with the utmost importance’ he had seen the look of pity she had given him on his way out, and he didn’t care if he had her pity, he was just glad he wouldn’t be stuck with any of the golden trio.

after the feast he was up in his single room, he had taken off his robes and had on a simple black button-up and green chino shorts and began to set up everything. his room was on the smaller side, but he had a large window all to himself. he could look about and see the great lake and a part of the forbidden forest from his room, he reminded himself to thank mcgonagall for the view. 

he had different candles set up around his many of them were vanilla and spearmint. he also had lemon, and thyme, but they weren't currently burning. his slytherin gear was sprawled all over the place and a plethora of books in a messy pile he had yet to organize. he was sorting his clothes from his robes when he heard his door being pushed open. he turned to see a large, fluffy, orange cat standing in his room.

he walked over to pet the cat, but it ran from him and hopped on his bed. instead of chasing it he simply walked over and closed the door and continued to set up his room. he was just about done setting up his desk when there was a knock at the door and pansy appeared.

“draco?” he replied with a hum “are you mad at me, or at blaise and theo?”

“not really, i don't really care if i'm being quite honest”

“my father doesn't want me around any former death-eaters, neither does ms. zabini. i think nott is being threatened by both his parents not to be around you” he watched as she looked around the room.

“i figured as much. you don't have to apologize pans. i get it.”

“no, i know. but we all still wanna talk to you, maybe just in the common room, not in public. i-”

“pans, i really, really don't care. just talk to me when you can” he placed quills in a drawer and placed one in the inkwell on the top of his desk.

“well i wanna talk to you now.”

“then talk to me.” he walked over to the books on the floor and began to sort his books from his school books and his pleasure books.

“okay” she walked around the small room “how did you get a single room?”

“i asked mcgonagall. if i were to room with a gryffindor i would have slit my wrists”

“don’t say that draco.” she glared at him and sniffed over the candles “why did you do that to your hair?”

“i like the colour blue, why do you wear red lipstick all the time?” he smiled at his copy of the giver before putting it in his ‘pleasure’ pile

“it looks good” he snorted at her reply

“of course it does, i look good 'n everything” he smiled over at her. he caught her eye roll as she pet the mysterious cat on his bed and he felt slightly betrayed. she smiled down at him “i was talking about my lipstick” she teased him and he mumbled out an ‘i’m sure.’ “is that for your mother? the tattoo”

“no, it’s for my father. you know it’s for my mum” he teased. they sat in a comfortable silence as draco finished organizing his books by genre and he walked over to her

“you're okay, right? i mean your father-"

“i don't wish to talk about that pants. please” he started to pet the cat

“so what's with this cat, i thought you had an owl”

“i do, noctua. she's in the owlery, i believe. this little guy just pranced on in like he owns the place” he shrugged, rubbing behind his ear “i'm thinking he's half-kneazle. hes kinda big for a normal cat”

they continued to talk as draco began to sort all of his clothes, he placed his robes and uniforms in his truck and placed the rest of his clothes in a dresser with a engorgement charm to make the dresser have more space.

as they sat a flash of ginger appeared in his doorway, yelling nonsense him “weasel. can i help you?” ron narrowed his eyes

“‘mione! i found him” he yelled “i can't believe you’d go as low as stealing someone's cat. malfoy, where do you get off”

“is this granger’s cat?” as he asked the question, she ran in

“crookshanks! honestly! malfoy, why would you steal my cat!” he looked at her and guilt washed over him. all he could think about was aunt bella on top of her, carving into her body. he thought about how her body writhed in pain, loud cries, and her blood curdling screams filled his ears once again she she stood before him. he absently mindlessly looked at her arm and could see the ends of the word ‘mudblood.’ she seemed to notice his eyes move and she covered her arm before he looked up at her, stone faced.

“he walked in. i've been organizing my room” he gestured to the books that were now all over the ground after the freckled monster had knocked over while yelling at him. he gently grabbed the cat from pansy and walked to granger to hand her the cat “sorry if it caused you distress, granger, he just kinda sauntered in. is he half kneazle-”

“she doesn't have to tell you anything, malfoy” weasley attempted a sneer

“no. i know, it was just a question” he put his arms up in the air and took a few steps back, he looked up at granger “is he, like half-”

“are you wearing chinos?” she looked at the shorts he was wearing and he nodded

“quite comfortable, actually. muggles sure do strive for comfort” he began to walk over to where pansy was sat

“‘mione, let’s go. this place gives me the creeps” weasley pulled at her arm and they both turned to leave

“he is, by the way” granger looked at him “in light of inter-house unity, you both can call me hermione if you’d like” she smiled between him and pansy

“i’ll keep that in mind, granger” he smiled over at her and she laughed and looked at pansy

“if i start calling you hermione, people will think i can be friends with people that don't have dicks, so i’ll have to think about that one” she smirked over

“to each their own, i guess” she smiled “thanks for keeping him safe” she smiled and left the room

“how does she seem to have every single annoying house characteristic?” pansy asked and draco chuckled at her and shook his head “she’s annoyingly smart, disturbingly overly-friendly, infuriatingly prideful”

“oh please pants, i know you’ve still got that little crush on her” he hit her with a pillow from his bed

“that may be true, but that doesn’t mean she’s not bloody annoying” she laid back, closed her eyes, and laced her hands into her own hair. “you’ve still got that thing for potter, right?”

“pansy eleanor parkinson, we are not talking about potter”

“my middle name isn’t eleanor, and yes we are. he could not take his eyes off you, did you slip him a love potion or some other?” she teased and he stood up from the bed

“if you don’t stop then i will kick you out and put a permanent ban on you

“fine, fine. anything for draco malfoy” he rolled his eyes and walked back over to his stack of books and began placing them on the shelf.

_~~~_

_“the worst is yet to come, we’ll be lucky if we ever see the sun”_

_mikky ekko, smile_

_~~~_

draco hated truth or dare. he sat on a couch, outside of the silly circle. he was taking notes while reading _a history of magic_. he glared over as anthony goldstein dared pansy to take off yet another layer of clothing. he tried to tell himself that he didn't care that all the boys used pansy as a sexual object, however he did care about how she decided that if she surrounded herself with boys, then she couldn’t be gay.

at this point in their game finnigan had made out with thomas, granger had chugged half a bottle of firewhiskey, zabini made out with ernie macmillian several times (the first time was a dare, but the other five weren’t), parvati had told the group about how she cheated though the entire herbology course, weasel had told that he and granger shagged at least three times this week. he looked over at pansy, who had a permanent scowl across her face at the news. she looked over to draco and smiled

“draco! get into the circle!” she yelled over to him

“i’d rather not” he was quite comfortable on the couch, his legs up on nott’s lap a book in his own. he sipped at his butterbeer and he mumbled words for his auto-answer quill to write

“c’mon, i’ll let you have some of my firewhiskey” she sing and he looked over at theo, who just put his hands up

“no, you plebeian, i do not want any of your germ-infested backwash firewhiskey” she placed a delicate hand on her chest

“malfoy, you’ve literally had your tongue down my throat before, you’re telling me you’re afraid to drink from pansy’s bottle?” he looked over to blaise and rolled his eyes, his face feeling warm.

he didn’t have to tell himself that he didn’t care that everyone in this group new he was gay, he was okay with it. he had wanted to shout it from the highest point to make sure everyone knew that he, draco malfoy, was gay, but he decided against it during the war.

“welcome to the club, macmillan” he tipped his butterbeer bottle to him then took another sip and looked at the group in front of him, only then noticing luna and she-weasley in the circle. everyone was quiet, looking at him with large eyes and opened mouths, “what, are you all surprised? not all gays are nice” he shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked at potter.

he was a bright shade of red and he thought that, if his glasses were in the way, his eyes would have popped out of his head. he had figured that he wouldn’t have been homophobic, i mean he was friends with finnigan and thomas and they were definitely gay. he looked over at the two boys, finnigan practically sitting on the other boy’s lap. totally gay.

“wow guys, draco’s gay. he loves his mom, he dyed his hair blue, he wears skinny jeans, and he’s on top of nott as we speak. who could have seen this coming!?” he glared over at blaise “now come and sit in the bloody circle” he looked at theo with a pained look who shoved his feet off of his lap, he gasped at him, murmuring about how he was a traitor as he grabbed his drink and sat next to pansy

“the fact that i wear these jeans has nothing to do with my sexuality, zabini” he glared over at the boy who rolled his eyes.

“welcome to the best team, malfoy” he looked over at tomas, who hit his foot in glee

“merlin's beard, a gryffindor just touched me, i’m going to have to cut off that foot now” dean looked back at him, slightly annoyed. everyone started to talk again and he looked over at pansy, who was sat in only her skirt and a black, lacy bra and sighed at her

“pans” he murmured, only her her to hear

“i know” she sighed, looking down at herself then up at him. he looked away and over at theo, who he waved over

as they went around the circle hannah abbott took off her bra and gave it to neville who was outside of the circle, goldstein took a body shot of firewhiskey off of luna, draco kissed justin finch-fletchley, thomas, and pansy (on the cheek, of course) granger kissed ginny, luna talked about how she briefly considered being a nudist for the better half of her fifth year, tomas did a very good impression of snape, weasley was dared to sit next to draco (a very, _very_ , trying dare. he almost couldn’t do it, but thank merlin for that infamous gryffindor bravery!). potter made a very, very, bad rap about granger, pansy told everyone about her and adrian pucey in obscene detail. pansy then dared potter to give abbott a hickey.

draco didn’t care, not at all. nope, no cares. as potter gnawed at abbotts neck he grabbed pansy’s firewhiskey and drank her full glass before pouring himself another glass and tossing it back as well. he didn’t care that he could hear pansy hold back a laugh and he placed her cup in front of her and looked over at potter. he could feel anger fuming up inside of him and he looked away and his eyes landed on luna, who had a knowing look on her face.

“truth or dare, pans” she looked at him and sneered, as well as she could considering how plastered she was

“dare” he smirked at pansy, he could get her back for that, make her snog a girl. he knew she was terrified of girls because of her father. he could make her pay, but then he looked at her. she was sat in a circle, her upper body on show for everyone in the room to see and he felt bad.

“put on a shirt” he handed her his jumper and she looked around the group, then back at draco, mumbling a thank you and taking the jumper and putting it on. he looked over to theo, since it was his turn and he looked around the circle before his eyes landed on parvati

“truth or dare” she looked at theo intensely

“dare” theo had a wicked smile on his face as he looked over at pansy, who was drunkenly praising draco's jumper

“i dare you to make out with parkinson, until your turn” she got up and crawled across the circle and sat in front of pansy

“hi pansy” she smiled out and pansy looked up

“um, hi parvati, you don't have to-” needless to say draco was soon closer to ron that he had ever wanted to be. as the girls continued to make out as the game continued. luna had been dared by goldstein to take off her shirt and asked “why are are the girls only taking off their shirts?”

“thats a good question, draco i dare you to take off your shirt” he looked at abbott and gasped, he certainly hadn't expected that from her

“it’s not your turn abbott, keep your eyes off of my man” blaise narrowed his eyes at her, with his arm slung around macmillan's shoulders

“he’s obviously not your man anymore, zabini. take it off draco, i wanna see that silky white chest you’ve got diffen under those fancy dark clothes” she winked at him, taking a swig from her drink, and he blushed slightly, and looked up

“take it off! take it off!” the girls started changing and he raised his hands and chuckled to himself, he was fucked. he had no choice.

“okay, okay. i’ll take off my shirt” at this point he was telling himself that he didn’t care what they thought. he took a deep breath and reminded himself that he does not care. at all whatsoever. he rose a shaky hand to start unbuttoning his shirt

“what, are you afraid to show your blindingly-white lack of muscles?” he looked up at weasley and rolled his eyes. he undid the first button and the girls hollered, making draco chuckle a little. when he got to the last button ginny was hooting so loud he was sure the owls could hear her all the way in the owlery. he momentarily wondered when he had started to think of her as ginny, but he shook the thought from his head and took a deep breath and took off his shirt, looking up at the group in front of him. ginny’s hooting was silenced as she looked across his chest.

“who did that to you?”  he looked at ginny, who looked incredibly concerned for someone who hated him less than five hours ago, then down at looked down at his chest to see several words scarred across his chest, long cuts were scattered along with his sectumsempra scars

“several different people” he looked over to potter who was staring at his chest, when he looked around the group there wasn’t a smile on anybodies face.

it was so quiet that the girls next to him stopped making out and looked around. draco took a deep breath before looking at pansy, she pushed parvati off of her and looked at his chest. “alright, well, this game has officially bored me to tears, so i’m going to go do something more entertaining, like watching the candles in my room burn.”

he grabbed his shirt from he spot next to him on the floor before standing up and chugged the rest of his bottle of butterbeer and grabbed his textbook from the table before walking to the dorms, the scars on his back showing to the group. he tossed the bottle in the trash and raised his hand in the air, throwing up a peace sign “draco out”

he started up the stairs before he heard feet behind him, on his way to turn around he was met with theo’s hand on his arse “are you sure you just wanna watch your candles burn?” he asked

“depends, what did you have in mind?” he smirked back at nott who then pushed him into his room with a licentious smile

_~~~_

_“don't you know happiness is not a place. it's the road you take and who you choose to walk it with”_

_the wind and the wave, happiness is not a place_

_~~~_

he was sat in the library finishing up his fifteen inches about muggle childhood games when luna lovegood came up and asked to sit down. the moment he saw her guilt washed over him. watched her smile at him as he thought of her being aggressively pushed into the cellars, falling onto her face. late one night he had walked around the manor and heard her soft cries while in the ballroom. she waited to speak until he had finished the last of his assignment then asked him if he would like to help her hunt down the narges that stole her shoes.

he tried to decline her offer; he knew that he didn’t deserve her forgiveness- but it’s not as if he would tell her that. she watched him decline over and over, still smiling kindly and ignoring how awkward that it had become. after trying to politely decline for six minutes he let out an exasperated sigh and agreed.

that’s how he was now walking around the corridors on the west wing with luna next to him “how are you doing, draco?” he looked down at her as she cut through the awkward silence that clung around them

“i’m well. how-”

“no, how are you really? you have wrackspurts around you all of the time now. you didn't have them before”

he looked down at her, unimpressed. he briefly considered telling luna that he was very unhappy, but that was the least malfoy thing he could do. how even looking at her hurts him because of all of the guilt on his shoulders, how he feels isolated from everybody because no matter how much his mum tries to tell him he doesn't have to keep up a ‘malfoy’ appearance, no matter how much pansy confides in him, he can't force himself to show any weakness to anyone

he keeps all of his thoughts and emotions to himself, until he sees granger in class look at the letters carved into her arm, when he walks past the corridor where the room of requirement is and all he can think about is crabbe falling into the flames, when he closes his eyes in class and a reel of memories buzzing behind his eyelids and his eyes are pricking with tears and his hands shake so badly that blaise or goyle have to hold his hands down so nobody sees. because he knows that if he says one wrong word, or gives one wrong expression he can destroy everything that makes him a malfoy, everything that makes him special and attaches him to his father.

he realises he had been quiet for far too long, before letting out a questionable “wrackspurts?”

she smiled and nodded at him “a wrackspurt, they’re peculiar little creatures. they’re invisible and float in your ears and make your brain go fuzzy. they’re always around you”

“are they? if they’re invisible then how do you know they’re even around me?” she pulled out a pair of large, colourful glasses from her pocket “and i’m guessing these glasses help you see them."

“most definitely” she placed them on and frowned “you should try thinking happier thoughts if you want to get rid of them” he looked down at her and didn’t reply before turning away from her. the silence hung around them like a humid day

they continued to walk around the west corridor, making their way around the third floor before luna stopped “you do know i forgive you”

draco smiled, but he knew that he didn’t deserve her forgiveness. “thank you, but it’s quite fine. i don’t need your forgiveness”

“i think you do, but you won’t give it to yourself” he opened his mouth to talk, but nothing come out “you did what you had to do during the war. i don’t quite know what i would have done in your position, so i forgive you”

“thank you, luna” he smiled to himself, feeling slightly better than he had when they began their little walk “are your shoes red and white?” he looked up at the beams to see a pair of sneakers hanging from the beams, she looked up and smiled at her shoes

“oh yes, those are them” she cast a simple wingardium leviosa and draco watched as her shoes floated down to them “thank you for helping me find them”

“thank you for inviting me. i enjoyed this” he politely smiled at her and she nodded

“you don’t have to go if you don’t want to” he nodded and they continued to walk around the castle.

after that they often went on nargle hunts and he felt comfortable around her. for a short time he thought that luna was a legilimens, she had always seemed to know what he was thinking, but that theory was later dismissed when he asked her about it.

at first nott and blaise thought he was just talking the piss when he hung out with her, but when blaise made a rude joke about her he hexed his toenails to grow at an alarming rate. when he would talk through the corridor and he would hear someone call her loony or say something rude in general he’d subtly hex them and give them larger teeth, stick their feet to the ground, grow them a tail or make slugs come out of their nose, nothing too bad. when pansy started to notice that it was him hexing everybody she started to made jokes about being replaced as draco’s leading woman.

potter had walked up to draco while he was sat in the far corner of the library, and slammed his palm on the table “what the bloody hell is your plan”

“to finish my homework, which is difficult with an ugly oaf comes over and knocks over your inkwell” he glared up at him, trying to clean up his mess

“no, not with your schoolwork, with luna. what’s your play?”

“to be her friend. she’s nice” he shrugged

“i will not let you take advantage of her. she’s a good person and i won’t let you destroy that” he sighed at potter, slightly hurt

“i hardly think that's possible, potter. she’s very intelligent. i’m sure she could work out i am using her before i even have the idea” potter was fuming, his teeth were grinding and he was an angry shade of red “are you training for the theater? why are you being so dramatic?”

potter was choking on his words when luna skipped over to the two boys. she smiled at the two and sat down “i didn’t know you were joining us today, harry”

he glared down at draco then softened his expression when he faced luna “i don't think i am today, sorry luna” he turned back to the blue-haired boy and struggled out “i’m watching you” he pushed off the table and draco looked at luna with his eyebrows raised

“he has so much teenage angst in him, how do you deal” luna smiled

“he only acts like that to you, he’s very nice otherwise” draco hummed and ‘i'm sure’ and turned back to his alchemy notes, studying for the upcoming exam

“you like harry potter don’t you” his eyes stopped as he read over the facts about metaphysical speculation, and looked up at luna

“yes, i love potter. my favourite part of the day is when i’m eating with goyle in the great hall and i look up to see him staring daggers at me. it really gets me going”

“i saw you during that game of truth or dare. you seemed awfully jealous of hannah”

“no, no. i was-”

“you were jealous draco. he also was not happy when you were kissing all those boys”

“i know that you’re smart, but i think you’re seeing things that aren’t there. perhaps your ears were infested with wrackspurts” he suggested and looked down to her parchment

“draco-”

“luna, please,” he begged, he could feel his body heating. he desperately wanted to run away from this topic “can we _please_ not talk about this” she shot him a wretched look before turning to the work of her own.

soon after that ginny had began to accompany their little hunting and study sessions, and it was his turn to interrogate her.

“luna, love. can i ask you a question?”

“you just did” the blonde looked up at draco with wide eyes

“you know that’s not what i meant”

“i’m aware” she placed her quill on the desk beside her

“do you and ginny have a thing going on? like are you two dating?” luna smiled

“i wish we were, she is quite an extraordinary girl”

“why don’t you do anything about it?”

“she is very worried about quidditch, i wouldn’t want to take her mind off of it”

“if i’m being honest, she probably has you on her mind more than quidditch, if she doesn’t know how you feel. it can be very infuriating.”

they started dating two days later, and draco became a third wheel on hunting trips, much to his displeasure.

_~~~_

_“just close your eyes, the sun is going down. you’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now”_

_taylor swift ft. the civil wars, safe & sound _

_~~~_  

he didn't care that harry potter was following him around; just like sixth year. he remembered how that had ended, and he didn't care. not at all. he was walking around the great lake. sketchbook in hand. he was looking for a good place to draw. it was saturday, he didn’t have to worry about homework and he just wanted to draw. when he did find a place he leaned up against a tree pulled out his graphite pencil and looked at the scene in front of him. it was almost christmas break and it still hadn’t snowed. he decided that he should start to draw a landscape before it was covered in snow.

the moment he walked out from the castle he regretted not grabbing gloves. it was very cold, he was clad in his black jeans, a black turtleneck, his old slytherin quidditch jumper, a black trenchcoat, and a slytherin hat and scarf. he hated the weather in the fall, he loved the winter, but the fall was a no-go for him. it’s not like he was going to let that stop him from drawing.

he flipped to a fresh page and held the pencil in his hand a smiled, he started outlining the scene in front of him, starting with the mountains and part of the castle in front of him. after a while he looked at the sketch he had in front of him and smiled, he went to reach into his pocket when he saw the tip of a sneaker and realized potter had just been watching him draw for hours.

“are you just going to stand there and watch me all day?” he pulled his case out and laid the coloured pencils out before potter's head appeared

“how did you know i was here?” he asked and draco scooted over and patted the seat next to him.

“i could see your sneaker” he pointed to the visible part of his shoe. suddenly he could see potter’s entire body. he began to fold up a cloak and he snorted, of course he had the invisibility cloak.

“oh” potter looked down on him and sat beside him, he looked at the jumper he wore. it was much too large for him and was a muddy brown, he was wearing raggy jeans and his gryffindor scarf

“that jumper you're wearing. it’s atrocious and i am ashamed to even know of it’s existence. would you mind putting that cloak back on so i can’t see it?” potter stared at him and started to grind his teeth

“i like this jumper” he murmured

“i can’t see why” he turned back to his drawing and grabbed a dark orange from his colored pencils.

“it’s warm, unlike you i don’t need two jumpers to stay warm” he looked at potter with an annoyed look on his face then turned his attention to his drawing after murmuring an ‘oo good one’

he was certainly not getting nervous about how potter's eyed followed every mark his pencils made, because he did not care. he also didn’t care about how their shoulders were pressed together, his touch burning throu gh both of his jumpers and jacket. but he definitely didn’t care about how potter had started playing with his scarf, absently mindedly playing with the little green fringe with his fingers.

he rubbed his eyes and yawned. he was getting tired focusing so much, but he didn’t want to get up from next to potter. he looked at the picture he had drawn and started to blend the blues of the lake before setting his pencil down and cracking his fingers

“do you have the time?” he looked at potter who pulled back his jumper to look at his watch before spurting out a few curse words

“we’ve missed dinner” he looked genuinely upset “they were serving treacle tarts for dessert” he stood up and wiped the dirt from his pants

“i didn’t tell you to stay with me” draco closed his sketchbook and collected all of his pencils before standing to look at the boy in front of him “what?”

“no you don’t get it, treacle tarts are-”

“your favourite, i get it. i didn’t cast an imperius to make you stay here” his eyes met potter, who was staring back at him

“you don’t have to be a git about it, malfoy”

“that’s kind of who i am, sorry love. besides, i’m sure if you went to the kitchens the elves would fawn over saint potter, our savior” he sneered at him

he watched potter's face contort into an angrier version of earlier. he started to get nervous and shoved his hand into his pocket to hold onto his wand in case potter got violent. he then thought back to sixth year in the prefects bathroom, his heart started to beat as he could remember the searing pain of his chest being ripped open. he looked potter in the eyes, but he no longer seemed to be angry, it was only then that he realized he had been shaking

“malfoy-” he felt like potter was carving through his chest and up his nice, ice-white pain clouded his senses and he attempted to get a handle on himself

“get away from me, potter” he held his wand tight in his pocket and dropped his sketchbook and put his hand to his neck, pulling it back to check for any blood

“malfoy, are you okay?” he put a hand out and tried to put it on his shoulder an malfoy pulled out his wand and pointed it at him “woah, woah. put that down. i’m not gonna hurt you, i swear” his hand was shaking and his knuckles were white

“get the hell away from me” his voice was shaking and his eyes were welling up with tears, all he could feel was his chest being ripped open as potter started to back away. when potter was a ways away from him and put his wand down and tried to calm himself down

he pressed the heels of his wrists over his eyes and pressed him, trying to erase the memory from his brain. he felt like he couldn’t breathe when he felt small hands and smelt lavender and mint around him

“it’s okay, draco” her soft voice rang out, he cried onto her shoulder as she ran a hand through the hair that stuck out of his hat “let’s get you up to your room, okay” she pulled back and put a hand on his face “you’re okay, sweetie” she looped her arm through his and took his sketchbook from him “you’re okay”

they walked in silence until the pair walked to to the entrance of the castle “i don’t really want to go back in yet, pants” she looked up and nodded and they sat in the courtyard and watched the sun go down

“you don't have to, but do you want to talk about what happened” she played with his hand and he nodded, he was sure she couldn’t see him

“how drunk were you when we all played truth or dare? do you remember the end” pansy snorted

“how could i not? parvati-”

“no. not that, the end, when i, erm, left”

“oh, yeah i do”

“do you remember the scars” he looked down to see pansy taking a specific interest in his fingers

“i do, yeah. i was drunk, but not that drunk”

“well you remember the sizeable scars? not the small the ones, or the lettered one, the ones that run across my entire chest?”

“and the one that runs up your neck onto your jaw? yeah, i remember them” she looked up at his face but he kept his down, she rubbed the scar that ran across his jaw he nodded quietly and fiddled with pansy’s other hand

“potter did it, sixth year” she stayed quiet “i was in the prefects bathroom and he cornered me, i freaked out and started hexing him.” he shifted uncomfortably, he was certainly betraying every moral he had by talking to pansy about this “i tried firing a cruciato at him, but when it was coming off my lips i adjusted my aim so i wouldn’t hit him, because it was the cruciatus curse, but he uh.” he sniffled in through his nose and realized he was starting to cry, his father would be so disappointed if he could see him now “he fired a sectumsempra, and it hit me” he laughed slightly, trying to make the memory hurt less “it hurt so much, i felt like i was being ripped apart. i couldn’t move, i couldn’t breathe, it hurt too much” he heard pansy gasp loudly

“draco! why didn’t you tell me? did you tell anybody?” he shook his head in response “why not. you know i tell you everything”

he looked out at the horizon, the sun was still setting and it was becoming colder and colder. he hasn’t seen anybody else around, but he felt like he needed a break from talking about his scars so he just watch the horizon fade from a vibrant orange to a cool blue.

he had tried telling himself that his scars didn’t matter to him, they were in the past and that they don’t matter. he tried to tell himself that he didn’t care about these scars that lined his chest, but he cared, they were created by people he had trusted at one point or another.

“right well i was doing a sketch of the great lake, and you know how potter just follows me around all the time?” he looked over at her and she nodded gingerly “well, he followed me over and instead of just ignoring him” he took a break, he couldn’t help but think that he was anything but a malfoy in this moment “i invited him to sit, and he did. i don’t get why, he just watched me colour in the landscape i drew” he reached over and opened his sketchbook, flying past other drawings he had and opened to the one he made today

“it’s so pretty” she touched the end of the page tenderly and he closed the book

“thank you” a faint blush crawled his way up to his cheeks and she pinched his cheek and he pushed her off. they sat quietly before he sighed and continued “right well i asked him for the time and he got mad because we missed dinner, and they were serving treacle tarts, they’re his favourite”

“naturally” she smiled

“and i decided to be me, i called him saint potter, our savior and he got really mad.” he chuckled to himself and debated whether or not to continue, taking a long pause before saying “i don’t know i just got really scared, i thought he was going to try a sectumsempra or something, it felt like he did? i don’t know. i could feel it in my chest and i couldn’t breathe. i don’t know, it’s stupid. at one point i even put my hand to my neck to see if any blood would come out” he laughed to himself, thinking about how stupid that must have looked

“do you wanna go up to your room? we could listen to the wireless, play exploding snap. i have some candy from honeydukes, some fizzing whizbees, pixie puffs, chocolate wands?” he smiled and nodded “i think lisa turnpin is in the dorm right now” they stood up and started walking into the castle

“you don’t have to say her full name, i know who she is” he looked down at pansy as they walked through the corridor

“i feel like she’s got one of those names where you have to say the full name”

“right of course” they walked in silence as the got up to draco’s dorm.

when the pair got to his room they turned on the wireless and draco changed into a plain shirt and took off his jeans. he noticed how pansy’s eyes linger on his chest while he changed. they sat in silence until pany said she’d go and get someone the candy from her dorm. when she got back draco was passed out. she tucked him in and as she left she gave him a sad, lingering stare. she sighed and let out a pitiful “oh draco” before heading back to her room 

_~~~_

_“it’s so quiet here, and i feel so cold”_

_ben cocks, so cold_

_~~~_

draco stirred from his dreamless sleep to find crookshanks laying in his bed, cuddled up to him once again. he was starting to enjoy his company, h smiled to himself and ran a hand over his fur before he heard a familiar annoying knock at his door. he decided it was best to pretend he was still asleep, so he closed his eyes. the knocking continued until his door was opened

“honestly, draco, do you have catnip-” she cut herself off as she he seemed to be asleep “ron, sweetie, of course crookshanks is in here. he always is. can you come-”

“there's no bloody way i'm going in there just get your cat and get out” weasel whined

“but malfoy's asleep still. should i just come back later?” he heard footsteps into his room and a loud huff and draco mentally rolled his eyes

“why is he so hung up on malfoy? it's not like he's a good person” he grumbled

“i actually have a theory” granger piped up, and draco groaned inwardly, not wanting to hear about her silly idea

“please ‘mione, do tell” the sarcasm dripped from weasley’s voice. there was a pause, draco could only guess that granger was glaring up at him.

“well whenever i'm upset he comes and comforts me, like after the yule ball he wouldn't leave my side, or like when you had found out scabbers was peter pettigrew, he comforted you, remember?” there was a small pause where he had guessed weasley was nodding “well i mean he's been hanging around malfoy since the beginning of the term, but he still comforts me when i get a little upset about a grade, but he is always around him, so what if malfoy is just really sad. i mean lucius-”

“you're not actually feeling sorry for the git, are ya?” he interjected

“ron, he's been through a lot. he apologized, and he's been really nice to everyone this year” he heard soft footsteps that lead up to his bed and a hand was put on his shoulder, shaking him slightly “on second thought, maybe he's trying to warm him up. he's cold as ice”

“that's because there ice in his heart, ‘mione” a soft grumble came from weasel as granger slowly shook him to wake him up.

he opened his eyes slowly, making a show about how he was _totally_ just now waking up and turned to look at granger before she gestured at crookshanks, who was still lying with his back pressed to his chest. draco sat up and rubbed his eyes before carefully grabbing crookshanks and handing him to her.

“thank you” she mumbled, taking the cat in one hand and grabbing weasel, whom had narrowed his eyes at draco, and left his dorm, closing the door softly behind them. the room was quiet when they left, it was like everything froze.

he sank further into his bed, grabbing his slowly fading hair tightly in a half-hearted attempt to rip it out and told himself that he didn't care that granger pitied him, he didn’t care that she knew he was sad, he didn’t care that she was probably overly nice to him because he was sad, he didn’t care that, of all people, hermione granger could tell he was sad. he didn’t care, he didn’t care.

he got up from his bed and began pacing around the room, pulling at his fair and scratching at his dark mark. he didn’t care that his arm began to become red and raw. his tears began to flow “i don’t care, i don’t care, i don’t care” he kept repeating as he scraped his arm harder and harder, until it began to bleed. he only noticed when he felt the red, syrupy liquid beneath his fingers as he scraped.

“oh shit” gasped at his arm, his dark mark was red and saw, the narcissus flowers had blood flowing down them. he put a hand in his hair, unsure of what to. he cast a quick healing charm and a tergeo and watched the blood disappear. he looked at his mark, it was covered in jagged scabs, it looked even uglier than before, but he still smiled to himself, pleased that at least some parts of the mark were covered.

he went into his bathroom and looked in the mirror. his face was blotchy and his eyes were puffy. his hair stuck to his temples and had little splotches of red throughout his face. he looked like a proper wreck and he shook his head at himself, why was he like this?

when he got out of the shower he dressed himself in his robes and left for potions with slughorn. he loved potions with a passion, he was hoping to become a potioneer for the ministry after he took his NEWTs, but the idea was slowly becoming less and less realistic. he had been making some of his best potions this year, but slughorn had been giving him lower grades than he deserved.

today in class they were brewing shrinking solution, and he was determined to get the grade he deserved, he walked into class and placed his copy of _advanced potion making_ on his desk and turned to the page about shrinking potion. nott came and sat next to him and draco turned to him and looked him in the eye

“i am getting that o+ today and i refuse to let you get in my way. just do what i say and i will not hex you into oblivion, do you understand me, nod if you do” theo looked at him, rolling his eyes

“yeah, i get it” he handed him a sheet of paper with a list of ingredients,

“when slughorn says to get the ingredients, you will go and grab these from the back of the shelf. not the front, the back” nott told him to go fuck himself, that he knew had to get the ingredients when slughorn walked in

“ehm, hello everybody. if you had started studying the homework i gave you, you’ll know that we are brewing shrinking solution” he was stood behind his desk and plopped in the seat “can anybody tell me about the, erhm, potion?” draco calmly raised his hand and looked over as granger did that same, she turned to see draco raising his hand and raised her even higher

“ms. granger” draco narrowed her eyes at her, merlin he hated her

“shrinking solution, also known as a shrinking potion, is a potion that causes the drinker to shrink to a younger form. it is bright green when brewed correctly and, if prepared incorrectly, it can be poisonous” she turned to him and cocked her head ever so slightly, he took his hand and cast a quick steleus, making her sneeze uncontrollably for a few seconds and draco smiled to himself. when she stopped sneezing she turned and glared at him and he wiggled his eyebrows in response

when slughorn told the class to get their ingredients he pushed nott off of his stool to get a move on “that was very uncalled for” granger appeared next to his desk

“i need as many points as i can get, participation in class is vital to my marks and he always picks you” he rolled his eyes “it’s not like you need to try to get good marks. he’ll give you the marks with way. he won’t give them to me”

“i understand,” she glared down “but a sneezing hex, really?”

“i could have turned your tongue into a horn, i’d take the sneezes if i were you” he sang the last part and tapped at his wand

“don’t be a prat, malfoy” she grumbled and slapped the back of his head as she walked away, he rubbed the back of his head and muttered about how ron's temper had rubbed off on her

theo had come back with the ingredients, pouring them out on the workbench “okay, so i’ve gone over the recipe and i made some alterations to the actual recipe-”

“i don’t care, just tell me what to do”

“okay, i’m going to need you to slice these caterpillars and mince the daisy roots-” he pointded to each of the ingredients

“slow down, how many caterpillars?”

“six, but keep one to the side. we add that one later” he muttered an okay and began to slice the caterpillars. draco gave him directions on how to slice the caterpillars then added five to the cauldron. “okay, now we heat the potion until it turns red. while it waits for it to turn, we shake the peeled shrivelfig until it’s ready”

“why? can’t we just add it anyway?” he looked over at theo who handed him the shrivelfig

“if we add it before it’s ready then the potion will emit a noxious green gas, i’m sure you don’t want to die” he shook the shrivelfig and looked over at granger, who was adding hairy caterpillars. he smiled to himself, she was following the original recipe. he knew he had it in the bag. “okay, now that the potion is red we add the peeled shrivelfig until it turns yellow”

“okay, then it’s the… rat spleens?”

“no, then we let it simmer until it’s purple”

“that’s like the exact opposite colour it’s supposed to be. are you sure about this?” the potion turned yellow and draco increased the flame so it would simmer

“very, i went through the theory on this several different times, how are your art classes going?”

“muggle art is a lot better than i thought it’d be” theo started to cut up the daisy root

“is muggle art any good? does it even move” he watched as the potion began to change colour

“it’s actually not that bad, it doesn’t move but it looks like it does”

“it doesn’t move, but it does? really?”

“their pictures aren’t like interactive or anything, but like the way they paint them, like the brush strokes and things like that create this flow- sorry, i’m probably boring you” draco looked at the point was completely purple

“no, keep going, it’s better than watching a potion change colour” he urged theo to continue and he did, he talked about brush strokes. he was thankful for his love for muggle art, he was the one who had given him a muggle sketch supplies. he added four rat spleens and minced daisy roots. he listened to the blond next to him talk about people like vincent van gogh, pablo picasso, and andy warhol.

“okay, so the potion is green now, are we done?” he looked over draco to look at the potion

“no, now hand me the leech juice” he held his hand out and waited for theo to hand him the juice “we add five drops then more of the shrivelfig until it turns pink because the-”

“please don't get started on the chemistry behind this potions stuff, it’s fucking boring”

“fucking prick” draco muttered to himself and added more shrivelfig and stopped when the potion was a shimmery pink

“okay, now what?” he looked at theo and sneered

“i thought you didn’t want anything explained” he added the last sliced caterpillar and let the potion simmer

“don’t be a git about it, mate” he sneered back and draco rolled his eyes. they sat in silence as the potion simmered. draco decided to take a look at his competition to see granger slowly stirring the potion as weasel sat next to her, shaking a rat spleen vigorously. he saw granger look at the ginger and scold him for shaking the spleens too vigorously. she saw granger turn around and look at him, narrowing her eyes at how his potion began to change into the perfect green and he smirked over at her. she then grabbed the rat spleen and added it and the cowbane to the potion and began to stir slowly.

draco turned off the heat and let the potion sit as he stirred it three times counterclockwise. he put some of his potion and placed in in a vial and stood up to turn it in, he pulled nott along with him and checked to see granger’s process with her potion. she was just finishing labeling the potion when she looked up at him and narrowed her eyes, he smiled and sped up until he reached slughorn's desk

“hello professor” he smiled and slughorn looked up at him. can uncomfortable look sprayed across his features

“hello, malfoy” he looked down at the vial in his hands “alright, i will test this later” he grabbed the vial from him “please take a seat, you have nine inches of parchment on the theory behind this potion due next tuesday”

when he turned granger was behind him “may the best vial win, granger” he smiled down at her and she rolled her eyes and lightly shoved him out of her way.

he went back to his desk and chatted with nott and worked on his essay until until class ended. nott asked if he wanted to skip transfiguration today he turned to nott and laughed “if i skipped a single class i’d be thrown out of hogwarts faster than you could say quidditch”

_~~~_

_“i’ll always hold on, ‘cause you make me strong”_

_one direction, strong_

_~~~_

he had spent christmas with his mom, and he really enjoyed himself. they ate little cakes and gossiped at the fireplace while drinking hot chocolate. his mom had brought up selling the manor, which draco readily agreed to. he had brought up his high marks in his classes, as well as how nice mcgonagall had been this term.

“i do really like the new colour” he put a hand into his newly purple hair, it was softer than it had been and smiled “purple is a nice colour on you”

“excuse you, every colour is a nice colour on me” he sipped his hot chocolate and smirked at her

“it’s a good purple. when you said purple i was worried it was going to be very dark, but it’s a nice lilac”

“i know, i chose it” his mom let out a breath and rolled her eyes at him

“how is harry potter?” she sipped her chocolate in order to hide her smile, he decided it was best to keep potter following him out of the conversation

“he’s well, i'm guessing. him and ginny broke up. she’s dating luna, you remember luna? i wrote you about her. they seem to be friendly, potter and her. i’d hate to be on ginny’s bad side. she’s very nice, but she’s so intense. that woman is seriously terrifying”

“it’s a good think you don’t date girls then”

“mum what does being gay have to do with getting on her bad side?  think i was going to try to steal potter from her?” he joked and she rolled her eyes “but seriously, i think he’s fine from what i can tell his marks are fine. before we left for break he received like fifty presents in the great hall. he seemed very displeased about that. i don’t think he likes receiving presents” he smiled

“so modest” she joked

“well, he is saint potter after all. our lord and savior” draco took a drink of his hot chocolate and they both chuckled

“you should get a tattoo of him, commemorate how he saved your life”

“i wouldn’t want to embarrass myself”

“so is your tattoo embarrassing then?” she gasped “i never thought that my own son would say something so rude to me”

“mum, you know that i don't think this tattoo is embarrassing. i actually like you”

“right, right. you know that i got one as well then” draco gasped loudly, demanding her to show him

she sighed and placed her hot chocolate to the side and pulled up her left sleeve to see a constellation wrapping around her dark mark. he reached his hand out and smiled “mum, it's beautiful” he traced the lines gently

“it's the constellation you were named after, draco” he looked up at him mom and smiled, placing his hot chocolate on the table beside him to give her a long hug.

he smiled at the thought, he missed his mom a lot and it had been only three days since he’d seen her. he was sat in the great hall, next to goyle. a seventh year gryffindor was talking shite about him as he walked past the table and glared at him. he sighed gently and closed his eyes, scooching closer to goyle and leaning onto him.

even with his eyes closed, he could tell the golden trio walked into the great hall because it was significantly louder than it was a second before. as he could feel potter’s eyes on him from across the tables, he lifted his head and looked up at goyle “you’re done eating, right” he grunted a in response “do you need help in magical creatures?”

“maybe a little” he hung his head low and then looked at draco, who smiled at him

“okay, let's go to my dorm”

goyle followed him all the way up to the astronomy towers then went to get his book from his dorm. when draco got into his room he noticed a present wrapped in pale blue wrapping paper on his bed and walked over. he picked up the card that was on top of the present. it had loopy cursive that wrote _‘open this last, please.’_ he followed the directions and picked up the present, as he ripped open the present he was greeted with a soft, plush, blanket. it was emerald green and light blue, and quite possibly the softest thing he had ever held. he placed the blanket over his shoulders and was pleasantly surprised with how warm it was and took a deep breath, breathing in the clean cotton. he turned open the card.

_happy christmas, draco. you always seem to be shivering in the common room or in the great hall so i hope you get plenty of use out of this. it’s just a regular plush blanket but i charmed it to make it even warmer. i hope you had a nice time on break, please remember that you are not alone as you may feel._

he smiled and closed the card as goyle clambered into his room and looked around for a piece of parchment. the gifter had not signed their name, but he had known exactly who gave it to him. to ripped off a small piece of parchment and wrote _thank you, granger_ and sent noctua to send it to granger. then began to help goyle with his work 

_~~~_

_“if i were you, i’d be leaving. best you go while you’re still breathing”_

_cage the elephant, punchin’ bag_

_~~~_

he had been back from break about two weeks when he was walking down a corridor when he realized that, once again, he was being followed by an invisible harry potter. it was past curfew and he was heading to the great lake because he realized, he didn’t care. he had been telling himself that if he got caught he would be expelled, and he didn’t care, he had enough money to live off of for the rest of his life. as he walked down from the astronomy tower he stopped. he was getting really, really tired of potter keeping him on edge “okay, potter. i know you're there.” he turned around “please come out”

he crossed his arms and waited as potter slowly came into sight, holding a cloak in his arms. he looked at potter, his heart beating slightly faster than normal; he had to remind himself that he didn’t care.

“can you just get it over with?” he looked at potter, who sputtered out a what “look, potter, it's like sixth year all over again, i’m getting tired of just waiting for you to do it, so just do it. i don’t care”

“i-i’m sorry, what-what do you want me to do?” draco took a few steps closer and ran a hand through his freshly-washed hair

“you know why you’re following me, i know why you’re following me. there's no teachers around, no students either. if mrs. norris comes and finds us i’m sure she’ll be happy. you can cast sectumsempra or cruciato or even the killing curse and won't get caught. just get it over with okay?”

“what” potter choked out, his eyes were nearly out of his head. draco assumed it was because he was embarrassed about being caught.

“c’mon, it’s a simple swish of the wand or flick of the wrist, just do it already”

it was suddenly very quiet and draco was starting to flush under potter's gaze and he shifted uncomfortably “you want me to what?” it was quite, nearly inaudible

“don't make me beg, potter. i'm not a dog”

“you think i'm trying to,” he paused for a moment and put his hand near draco, then shook it as if it were saying no “you think i wanna kill you”

“i mean yeah. you’re following me around, you’re constantly staring at me-”

“you-you noticed that?”

“you weren’t subtle sixth year and aren’t subtle now. you tried unsuccessfully then because i was fighting back, i promise i won’t now”

it was quiet for a while before he squeaked out a “i don't wanna kill you, draco.” draco rolled his eyes and ran another hand through his hair “that was an accident: sixth year. i didn't mean to”

“you didn't mean to cast a sectumsempra?"

“no, i did. but i didn't know that it would nearly kill you. i read it in- in a book. it said for enemies, and you were then. draco,” he took a step closer and put his hand on his arm “you don't-you don't _want_ me to-to do that, right?”

“i wouldn't be mad if you did” he looked down at potter who was struggling to breathe properly “i wouldn't blame you, potter i kind of deserve it”

“no, no, malfoy. you don't” potter stuttered out

“right, potter i know you’re just saying this because i exposed you. i’m not mad about it” potter didn’t talk until his breathing leveled out, his hand felt like it was burning a hole into draco's arm. draco was starting to get frustrated with the messy-haired boy in front of him “god, potter i’m giving you the chance you’ve been looking for. you get me out of azkaban so you have the chance to kill me by yourself instead of a dementor, you spend more than half of the year just following me around, staring at me. what is your problem. do you plan on taking me seven years to kill like voldemort or what?” draco crossed his arms over his chest, holding his sketchbook close to him, and jutted out his hip

potter was quietly looking at draco, as if to contemplate actually killing him “do you remember what i said at your trial, malfoy?”

“every word” he mumbled and looked away, blushing

“i said that you aren’t your father, you saved my life. i said that you were just trying to save your mother, which you were” he grabbed his arm and pushed up his sleeve. draco watched as potter’s eyes ran over the marks on his left arm, as well as the scabs that were left on top of his dark mark “these... followers are for your mother, right?”

“they are” draco breathed out. he was incredibly warm and potter looked at the narcissus flowers that laid on his arm

“you know your mother saved my life too” he looked up at draco with wide eyes “you’re a lot like her, i think. you know we write each other. she’s always asking me about you, she thinks you’re not telling her about everything that’s happening to you.” he took a long pause before looking up from his arm “she said that after you misidentified me-”

“don’t” draco sneered at potter “you don’t know- you don’t know what it was like to have him living in your house. you do not get to pass-”

“no, draco. your mother told me what voldemort and his followers did to you” draco ripped his arm from the other boy’s hand and started backing up and shaking his head, dropping his sketchbook in the process

“no- no. no he- you don’t know. potter you-” he was stuttering and shaking his head, “no”

“draco” potter walked up to him, “draco, don’t do that” he tried to grab the hand that was furiously scratching at his arm as a red syrupy liquid rose to the surface

“potter get away from me” he felt hot tears drip from his face

“draco, stop scratching at your arm, you’re hurting yourself” his voice got louder, which only made him scratch harder. his eyes were pinned onto the floor until he felt potter’s warm hand over his own. his eyes darted up at the gryffindor

“i-i need t-o go” his voice cracked and he ran off and harry tried to run after him, but draco’s endlessly long legs carried him faster than harry’s. with a huff, harry gave up and turned around. on his walk back to the dorms he noticed the sketchbook and picked it up, and continued on his way flipping though the pictures.

some of the pictures he saw were happy; delicate flowers and sketches of pansy and luna, one with ginny and luna in their common room that made him smile. he flipped though a few more, there were the house animals on one, the quidditch pitch, one of narcissa, and a few more landscapes. he kept flipping and came across ones that were morbid, there were sketches of voldemort, of a cell in azkaban, him with familiar stark fingers wrapped around his face, bloody hands, dead flowers surrounding skulls and thestrals in the forest, as he kept flipping he saw one sketch in familiar that made him shiver.

anxiety bubbled up in him as he stared at the picture in front of him and he started running to the only person he could trust with this information.

_~~~_

_“you're all gonna watch me, disappear into the sun”_

_liability, lorde_

_~~~_

pansy was sat in the common room at the table nearest to the entrance, waiting for a mop of purple hair, pointy features, and lanky legs to finally walk through the door. he didn’t go to any of his classes today, like he always did, and when she checked his dorm he wasn’t anywhere to be found.

“hey, pansy” she turned to see hermione “i need to talk to you, it’s about draco”

“what? what is it? do you know where he is? is he okay?” she stood up and practically jumped on her

“we should talk in private” anxiety bubbled up as she followed hermione into her room, she closed the door quietly. “you can take a seat on the bed if you’d like” pansy practically ran to hermione's bed, an action she never thought she’d do

“is draco okay? do you know where he is?”

“okay, so last night, after curfew me and ron were sleeping in here”

“sleeping, or like… sleeping, because..”

“we were asleep!” she had become a dangerous shade of red and she tucked her hair behind her ear

“just making sure, i mean i am on your bed” pansy teased “but what about last night? what does this have to do with my man?”

“okay, as i was saying earlier.. me and ron were asleep when harry burst in, he was freaking out and he had this sketchbook in his hands” she stopped pulled out a sketchbook from under the bed, which she recognized as dracos

“why did he have draco’s sketchbook. you’re aware everything in there is private, he doesn't let anybody look in there. if he wants us to see something then he shows us. you didn’t look in it did you?”

“please let me continue, pansy. i’m trying to help you” she glared at pansy, who stopped to let her finish “you’re aware of harry and how he follows draco in his invisibility cloak instead of facing his feelings, right” she paused, waiting for pansy to nod, “well, it turns out that draco knew as well and he freaked out on harry last night. he was wandering the corridors when he… confronted harry”

“well, what did he say?” hermione grabbed her hand and smiled at her

“he was telling harry to just get it over with, and to do it already. harry asked him what on earth he was talking about. he-” she took a deep breath and grabbed pansy’s hand and rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb “he told him that he should just kill him already, and that he wouldn’t blame him, nor would he, um, mind”

pansy could feel her entire heart break at the sentence, she didn't know what to say what could she say “oh.” she could feel tears welling up in her eyes and she looked down and took a few deep breaths “okay, harry didn’t..”

“no, he didn’t.” she continued to rub the back of her hand “he tried to tell him that he didn’t want to kill him but he freaked out. he thought that harry went to his trial so he could bail him out and then kill draco himself, instead of a dementor. harry, he kept telling draco that he didn’t want to kill him and then he said something about someone, perhaps bellatrix-”

“he didn’t” pansy gasped “oh no, why would he do that? doesn’t he read the tabloids?”

“he doesn’t like to, they’re all about how he saved everyone and who his real soulmate his- it makes him uncomfortable. what did bellatrix do?”

“she was one of the people who attacked him after he didn’t turn in potter. she was under the impression they would lose the war because of draco. other non evicted death eaters kept coming to the manor and attacked him. that’s why they moved up his trial” pansy rubbed her face, wiping her tears in the process

“is that how he got the scars?”

“i think so, some of them, i know the lettered ones were her, after you all escaped from the manor, but some of the others, i don’t know. he doesn’t really like to talk about his problems” pansy’s voice cracked and she cursed to herself, hermione moved closer and put an arm around the slytherin

“would you like me to continue?” pansy nodded “okay.” she took a break and rubbed pansy’s back “after harry said he wasn’t lucius he started scratching at his dark mark, and he was scratching-” she took a deep breath, as if to pull herself together “-scratching so hard he had blood, just dripping down his arm”

“oh my god” pansy threw her head into her hands “how much blood?”

“i wasn’t there, but harry said it was dripping a lot” they sat in silence for a little until hermione continued “harry tried to stop him, like physically. he tried to grab his hand from scratching but then draco ran away. that’s when he dropped this” she gestured to the sketchbook “he tried going after him but he wasn’t fast enough. he said he was gonna head back to the common room and wait, when he saw the sketchbook. he went through it- he didn’t know he couldn’t look at it”

she opened the book and started flipping “i think you should see this” she stopped on a page that was a bunch of flowers and grabbed pansy’s hand, “okay, are you ready” pansy nodded as she flipped the page

it was a beautiful drawing, really. almost all of it was done in graphite pencil. she grabbed the sketchbook from hermione. it looked as if it was looking up from inside of a grave, bugs a dirt surrounding the arms shot up from the bottom of the page. the hands were barely holding on the the top of the grave, intensely red blood dripping from the fingers, past a dark mark and narcissus flowers.looking down from top of the hole was the unmistakable body of harry potter shooting down a familiar green spell. at the top of the page was angry letters spelling out avada kedavra.

“oh wow” she closed the book and wiped the tears that were falling from her face “do you know where draco is?” she looked at hermione who shook her sead solemnly

“he’s not on the map. you remember the map i told you about right?” she nodded in response “he’s not anywhere on the map so we don’t think he’s at hogwarts. we were thinking that maybe he went home” pansy shook her head

“his mother would have owled me to ask if he’s okay. you said he’s not anywhere here, right?” hermione nodded “i have an idea as to where he might be” she ran a hand through her short hair and looked at hermione. she stood up and started out of the room, and furrowed her brows when hermione followed her

“i’m coming with. we aren’t arguing this” she nodded and walked down the stairs to the common room where she saw a head of purple hair next to theo, she pushed away from hermione and wrapper her arms around his waist

“draco, you had me worried sick! what the bloody hell is wrong with you?” she slapped his chest then snuggled closer to him

“geez pants, i just got here. give me a second before you start being emotional” he smiled and wrapped an arm around her waist

“we need to talk” she looked up at him and he grimaced “sooner than later”

“can we do later. i’m really tired, i’ve got this massive headache…”

she nodded “okay, but i’m coming with you” she gripped the shirt he was wearing tightly and nodded, not letting him go.

_~~~_

_“my mind is a home i'm trapped in and it's lonely inside this mansion”_ _  
_ _mansion, nf_

_~~~_

draco woke up the next morning with pansy latched onto his side. he was guessing potter had told her about what had happened between them two nights before. he was glad it was saturday. he woke up pansy who snuggled closer to him. he smiled and ran his fingers through her hair, she looked up at him and frowned “what is it?”

“there’s blood in your hair” she reached her hand out then retracted it, as if she was afraid to touch it

“i’ll take a shower and wash it out while you go to breakfast” he ran his own hand through his hair, his fingers getting stuck in small knots along the way

“you haven’t eaten since thursday night” she mumbled, playing with the edge of his plush blanket

“then bring me some food” he snapped and she hit his chest. he rolled his eyes in response

“don’t snap at me, malfoy” she sat up and started to get out of the bed “i’ll be back later with your food” she kissed his cheek “don’t run away again”

“can you bring luna and goyle, maybe nott and zabini if you can?” he started at his ceiling, an arm behind his head and she nodded, leaving the room. he sat in silence before getting up and going to shower.

before getting in he looked at himself in the mirror. he was shirtless each of his scars on display, he had dark circles around his bloodshot eyes, and he looked a little paler than usual. he couldn't take his eyes off of the word traced onto his chest and huffed at himself before getting in the shower. he let the warm water wash over him as he closed his eyes and let out a large sigh.

when he got out of the shower he dressed himself on a soft periwinkle jumper his mum got him for christmas and a pair of black jeans. he sat on his bed and waited for pansy to return. he was terrified, he was silently hoping they would never come into his room. he lit his vanilla and lemon candles before pacing around his room. he was seriously regretting telling pansy to bring them all in. his pacing was halted when there was a knock at his door

“draco? it’s pansy.” he walked over and opened the door “sorry that took so long, lovegood is hard to find, she was-”

“down by the green houses looking for dust doxies, it’s saturday morning” pansy murmured something about him being a nerd and walked in. goyle, nott, blaise, and luna behind her. luna pressed a hand to his and smiled

“thank you for inviting me to this little get together” she smiled up at him and he felt slightly less nervous

“you’re welcome, luna. sorry for disturbing your hunting” he turned from luna and face the slytherins “take a seat” blaise hopped onto his bed and pulled nott down onto his lap. pansy took a seat next to luna on the other end of the bed and goyle sat on the floor in front of the bed.

draco took the seat of his desk and turned it to the group before him, sitting down, straddling the back of the seat “stop doing that” he looked up at pansy who was glaring at his hand that was scratching his wrist, he hadn’t even known he was doing that

“right so. i need to get something off my chest” he looked up at the people around him and took a breath “i really, really feel stupid right now so please keep any snide comments to yourself”

“i’ll do my best, but i can’t promise anything” he looked at luna and smiled

“right, okay” he tapped his hands on the back of the chair “right. so i’m sure everyone here knows that i didn’t turn potter into voldemort, correct?” he looked up from his seat to see the faces in front of him nodded “as you can imagine the dark lord and his followers- they weren’t too happy about this. bellatrix was very angry about this and she, well she kind of jumped on me after the golden trio left.” he looked back to the floor

“she kind of, tore through my shirt with that knife that she has and sort of carved me like a turkey. she- she wrote things too, the ‘traitor’ on my chest is from her. she rolled me over and she, she kep carving. i’ve got ‘liar’ and ‘backstabber’ on my back, as well as just deep c-uts” he looked up as his voice cracked and he cleared his throat

“they were holding back my mother as she did all this, my father just stood and watched, believe it or not. when they let her go she ran over to me and spelled every healing spell she knew. when voldemort got back to the manor bellatrix had told him what i’d done. as you can imagine, letting the boy who lived go did not make him very happy. he was so mad, furious, even”

“sorry, agh” he wiped under his eyes, remembering the immense pain he went that night. he could still feel each blade go into his body, he could remember each of their faces smiling maliciously “right, well, he had learned about what had happened during my third year, with buckbeak” he looked away from them. he felt ridiculous telling them this, he was letting down his father by telling them this, “you know what? this is stupid. just- just forget i said anything” he got up and sniffled, wiping his tears from his eyes. he started to walk to his door to let them out when he was turned around by blaise.

he wrapped his strong hands around his biceps and started back at him “come here” blaise wrapped his arms around draco and patted his back lightly before pulling back. “it isn’t stupid, okay? this” he motioned to draco’s chest “this isn’t stupid. it’s apart of you, and nothing about you is stupid. you’re one of the smartest guys i know, the only dumb thing you’ve ever done is not tell us sooner. please don’t get all in your head thinking that we’re judging you. my mother literally murdered my father for money, there is no way i could judge you”

“i just feel stupid i-”

“i don’t think you feel stupid” luna looked over to draco “i think you feel ashamed of talking about your problems, and what happened to you, of course”

“god, luna. can you stop doing that” he wiped under his eyes and glared over at her and she smiled

“i’m sorry” blaise began to walk him over to his bed

“if you were sorry you’d stop doing that” he looked over at her, she was still smiling at him

“i suppose you’re right” he sat down, immediately feeling pansy’s hand on his and theo’s arm around his shoulder

“we’re all here for ya, mate” he looked up and smiled at theo, then down at goyle who grunted in agreeance

“right so you know the white room we have in the manor, it’s incredibly small, it’s just got two chairs and a table between, a bookshelf or two. voldemort thought it would be a good idea to lock me in there with a hippogriff. i’m sure you can imagine why i’m limping now. the bloody bird stomped on me, all over. my mother had called in our private healer, my shins had broken twice i had a cracked sternum, broken ribs, my arm was fractured, same with my skull” he could feel theo lay his chin on his shoulder and kiss his right cheek

“is that why you wouldn't take magical creatures with me?” he looked down at goyle and nodded

“before the final battle i had gone to apologize to hagrid about how i had treated him, i-” he cut himself off and looked up “i was planning on dying in the battle, but saint potter saved me himself. i had gone up to his hut and knocked on the door. when hagrid had opened the door what bloody animal had squawked, and i turned around and it- it was just looking at me and i actually fainted. right in front of hagrid, because of that stupid bird.”

“right, so, after i had been healed by the healer at the manor the dark lord was still furious with me. i had failed him once before s- he had taken me into the ballroom again-” he stopped and looked down at his hand  to see pansy’s playing with his fingers as she looked at his hand as well. he could see the tears lining her eyes “he decided that he wanted to take my punishment into his own hands. he, well to put it lightly he curcioed me until i had lost my days worth of food and couldn’t even remember my own name when i had returned from the healers. i can’t fly any. more, my back is too messed up from the spasms i had”

“you sure know how to make a guy feel like a knob, i wouldn’t have asked you to go flying so much if you’d told me” nott grumbled

“sorry” he looked at nott who, in return shoved his face farther into draco’s neck “and last night, i thought that potter had this agenda to kill me all year. last night i was really upset because i got this owl from my mum; my father and several other death eaters are going to be put on probation next month. and, i-i went for a walk but potter was tailing and i thought that if i had to be killed i would rather potter do it than any of them so i tried to coax him into killing me, it didn’t really work out. apparently he writes my mum, and she told him about what everyone did. i freaked out on him a little bit, kinda ran away for a day” he shrugged “so yeah, i plan on avoiding potter for the rest of the year. can you help me with that?” this time they actually laughed at his joke

  
  
  
  


needless to say his friends did a very bad job at keeping harry potter away from him. he was in his room with pansy listening to the wireless, drawing pansy as she sat on the opposite side of his bed, her legs intertwining with his, when potter just walked in.

“well that’s my que. have fun!” she leaned over and kissed his cheek, he threw his arms out and let put an exasperated noise as harry smiled at her and she closed the door

“look, potter-” he started but he was cut off

“it’s okay, don’t sweat it” he smiled at draco “can i sit?” he pointed to draco’s bed

“i’m sure you would whether i said yes or not”

“you’re not wrong” potter smiled and sat on the other side of the bed. they sat in silence for a while. draco played with the end of his sweater “is your arm okay?” he nodded a response “could i see it?” he pulled up the sleeve

“all clear” he looked up at potter who examined his arm “look, potter. i’m sorry about the other day, i recently aquired some unwanted information and i just took it out on you”

“i know” he moved closer to draco and put a hand on his knee. anger filled draco, who did he think he was? he didn’t know anything about him

“if you keep making assumptions about how much you know about my life, then you won't have to make assumptions of what it feels like to have my entire foot up your ass” he gave potter the best sneer he could muster before flipping the hand off of his knee

“i’m not. your mother started to owl me after november and asked me to keep an eye on you, she was worried because of lucius’ trial. i know he was put on probation, when you left the dorms i just got worried, i didn’t want you to go off and hurt yourself” he glared over at potter, who moved closer to him in response.

“you don’t need to watch over me, i can handle it myself. i’m an adult”

“yeah, which is why you ran away from the problem as soon as it was mentioned” his hand patted draco's leg then kept it on his thigh “look, draco-”

“and since when did you start calling me draco?” he cut him off and glared over at him, tempted to push his hand off of thigh

“i don’t really know, kinda happened naturally really. hermione calls you draco, your mother does, ginny and luna do, so does pansy. she yells at me when i call you draco, says i haven't ‘earned it’”

“you have not. i don’t even know you, i don’t even like you” he pushed the hand off his thigh, immediately missing it’s warmth. potter hummed in response and moved so close that their hips were touching

“i like you” draco jumped up in response and pointed a finger at him

“get out” he snapped and harry raised his brows, not even bothering to get up “potter get out of my room”

“draco, sit down”

“get out of my room” he used both hands for emphasis, but his voice sounded less serious. potter smiled crossed his feet and leaned back

“make me, malfoy” draco groaned to himself and calmly walked over to his own bed that potter was contaminating grabbed his arm, only to be pulled on top of potter. he squirmed to get free, but potter’s grip was unrelenting and began to hurt his lower back

“potter! let me go!” he was ready to knee him in the balls before he gave up, potters grip loosening

“can i explain something to you?”

“it’s not like i have a choice” draco deadpanned

“i was talking to luna a week ago, she caught me staring at you in in the library-”

“i catch you staring at me in the library! you aren’t a subtle person, potter!”

“and she told me of a conversation you two had earlier in the year. it was about me, after i yelled at you for trying to be luna’s friend” draco released himself from potters grip and stood up from the bed

“please leave me alone, potter” he was quiet and slowly looked down to the messy haired boy. his mouth was in the middle of a word and his hands were in the air

“if luna was right, i don’t really think you want me to” he took a step closer to draco who lifted his head, a violent blush working its way up his neck, searching for words “can you look at me?” the purple-haired boy kept his head high for a few more seconds, preparing himself for the look of complete judgement that would be displayed across his features. when he looked down he was potter smiling at him, _smiling_

“look, potter-” he was cut off by a pair of soft lips on his, when they pulled back draco began to sputter “what made you think that was okay on any level, potter?”

“i know you don’t actually hate me, you know that right?”

“i hate a lot of things about you!”

“sure, but you don’t actually hate me” draco looked down at potter, who was dangerously close to him

“you’re in my space, i would greatly appreciate if you would stop doing that”

“i’m sure if it actually bothered you, you would move so i’m not in ‘your space’” draco tried to respond but was once again cut off by lips on his again.

this time he melted into the kiss, potter’s arms snaking around his neck, and kissed back. his own hands absent-mindedly wrapped around a pair of hips and pulled him closer, until he realized, this was harry potter and pushed him back

“no, no, no, no. get out” he started to push the boy to the door, opened and pushed him out “stay away from me harry potter” he slammed the door and locked it, leaning up against it and sliding to the floor, mumbling ‘what the bloody fuck’ while running his hands over his face repeatedly.

potter continued to knock at the door as draco continued to curse to himself, what had he just done?

_~~~_

_“baby here we go again”_

_louis tomlinson ft. bebe rexha and digital farm animals, back to you_

_~~~_

after ‘the incident,’ as draco named it, he has to make sure that potter was as far away from harry potter as possible. he lied to greg and told him that he can’t look potter in the eye after what he had done, sure greg had given him a large, unwelcome hug out of it; he also pushed potter away from him whenever he came within arms length, so it was a win-lose situation.

it had worked for approximately a week before blaise took notice of what goyle was doing, and then talked to him about what had happened between the pair. which was why he was now locked in his own room room, banging on the door while potter stood quietly behind him, looking around the room. he was being held prisoner in his own room, with the world's deadliest man standing behind him.

draco took out his hand and aimed it at the door, “alohamora!” he yelled and frantically shook his wand at the handle. as his luck would have it, the door did not unlock. “alohamora! alohamora! aloha-fucking-mora!”

“you know if that didn’t work the first time it isn’t going to work now” he frantically turned to potter, pointing his wand at the boys face

“don’t sass me potter, i will throw a nasty hex your way if you don’t-”

potter snorted, “draco, you’re not going to hex me, we both know that” draco grit his teeth together before opening his mouth to sneer a reply, “merlin's, beard, put your wand down, malfoy. i just want to talk”

malfoy stared at him before lowering his wand. “i’m lowering my wand because i want to, not because you told me to” harry rolled his bright green eyes before smiling

“i’m sure” draco looked down to the boys lips, he could still feel them on his own if he thought about it, which he most definitely had been.

“what do you want potter, why have you talked my friends into locking us in here?”

“i think you know what i want, draco.” he walked over to the purple-haired boys bed before sitting down, moving papers from where he had been helping goyle in charms before potter walked in and goyle ran out; blaise and pansy locking them in the room together.

“well has it occurred to you that i don’t want that?”

“it has held me back in the past, but we both know that luna doesn’t lie. please, draco, sit down” draco loots at him, his green eyes pleasing as his hand pats the spot next to him. he sighs loudly and sits down next to him

they sit in silence for a while, before harry looks at him “why blue? why purple?”

“they’re nice colours” he mumbled, looking over at the boy beside him, before finding his nails incredibly interesting

“they really are nice. i’m also quite fond of the flowers as well” draco hummed a response “is it true your mum got the constellation you’re named after”

a blush worked its way up his neck as he nodded, “she did. yes”

“if i weren’t afraid of needles i would get a tattoo” draco snorted and looked at harry, looking right at his lips before glancing at his eyes

“the boy who lived, the boy who stood up to the dark lord, and died twice, is afraid of needles?”

“he is, yeah. he is afraid of some things, believe it or not”

“i’m sure it’s the only thing he’s afraid of, a big, bad, needle”

“it’s not,” draco raised an eyebrow at him, harry only smiled in return “he’s quite afraid of boys with purple hair as well” he stilled at harry’s words and looked away from him

“it’s a good thing you only know one. maybe you should stay away from him”

“i don’t think i can, if i’m being honest. i’m quite attracted to him, no matter how hard he’s tried to get rid of me” draco stay quiet and turned away from him, looking at the window, only slightly past harry’s shoulder “look, draco. i really, really, like you. it kinda scares me, y’know?” he looked back into the eyes in front of him, and before he knew what was going on harry’s soft, pink lips were on his own.

draco stilled, eyes facing forward, a pair of lips moving on his own. his heart began to bear erratically, as he was beginning to pull away from the messy-haired boy, a hand was placed at the base of his neck, as to say ‘ _please, draco_.’ and, really? who was he to deny the boy who lived.

so he kissed him back, albeit hesitantly, but potter took that as a full-fledged yes and pulled him closer. the only noises in the room were the smack of their lips. draco turned to get a more comfortable angle, and harry pulled him by his waist and pulled him onto his lap and he pulled back in surprise, taking deep breaths and looked at the nearly-black eyes of the boy in front of him

and so they kept kissing, and then they started talking and before either of the boys knew it it was night. “look, potter. talking with you in a friendly manner is just incredible, honestly. but if i don’t get to sleep soon i will not hesitate to hex you till you pass out”

“as seriously as i take that threat, i think you’re right. it’s getting late. i think i’ll tell zabini to let us free” draco nodded and went to his wardrobe to get a change of clothes so he could change “expecto patronum!” draco watched as he waved his wand and a milky, blue stag popped out from the end of his wand “can you go and get blaise and tell him to let us out?” he asked the stag and it danced out of the room

“you know, i’ve never really seen a patronus before”

“what do you mean?” draco held his clothes in his hand and turned to harry

“i’ve never really seen one in person before” harry tilted his head in confusion before walking over

“can you not produce one?”

“if i’ve never seen one before, what do you think?” he jutted out his hip, looking at harry through squinted eyes

“i could.. y’know.. teach you” he offered and draco rolled his eyes

“yeah, yeah. sure, whatever” it wasn’t long before blaise’s own patronus, a tiger, stalked into the room and sat down

“we’re not letting you out. this is what you get for being an unbearable prat, draco. good luck potter” it recited back to them and draco pursed his lips before looking back at harry, who was smiling.

“looks like we're stuck here… whatever will we do?” harry walked over and put an hand on draco’s waist, before it was slapped off with a scoff

“i don’t fuck on the first date, potter. at least buy me dinner. i’ll lend you some clothes to sleep-”

“oh, no need. i sleep in my pants”

“of course you do” he rolled his eyes and changed into his pajama pants, momentarily watching harry stip from his shirt, but turning away at the sight of the killing curse scar across his chest.

“for someone with as many scars as you have, you would think that the one on my chest wouldn’t mean much. it’s got nothing on all of yours” on instinct he covered his chest with his hands, even though a button up shirt was already covering them “you can change your shirt, i won’t watch” potter turned away and draco quickly changed his shirt, desperately trying to hide his scars from sight

“alright, potter. if you don’t mind i would actually like to get some sleep. so that’s… that’s what i’m going to do” he turned and grimaced at his lack of eloquence, and laid down in bed

“where am i going to sleep?” he looked over at potter, who was blowing out draco’s candles

“i don’t know, i can’t sleep on the floor so i’m not getting up”

“you’re right, you can’t. it’s much too dirty for your tastes” harry stalked over to the edge of draco’s bed “budge over”

draco moved over in his bed, and held the blanket up for harry to climb in under “that’s not why, it’s bad for my back”

“do you have a bad back or something?” he was asked, harry sliding under the covers, smooshed up against draco due to the small size of the bed

“yeah” he looked over at harry “i assumed my mum would have told you. after i didn’t turn you in-”

“bellatrix carved into you and you were put in a room with a hippogriff. i know, she told me” harry cut in

“oh, she didn’t.” draco looked at harry “after i was stuffed in that room and healed the dark lord took me away privately and crucioed me, i’ve got a bad back from the spasms i had” harry opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came out “eloquent as ever, potter.” he turned on his side, away from potter “now spoon me you git”

harry’s arm came and wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer to the boy’s chest, he smiled to himself as he closed his eyes, snuggling back into harry

when draco wakes up the next morning, he is slightly unnerved by the mysterious arm draped around his middle. with that being said, he is only slightly unnerved, so he keeps the arm there, remembering that is the living, breathing, arm of harry potter.

he lays in the embrace for a while until his stomach begins to growl, where he then elbows harry in the stomach to wake him up.

harry grunts in response, “what the fuck, malfoy?” he grumbled into his neck and goosebumps line draco’s body

“i’m hungry, get up” he orders

“no, give me a bit”

“let your boyfriend get up so he can get up you right git” he mumbles before freezing, did he just call harry his boyfriend? they certainly hadn’t talked about that. instead of harry calling him out on his slip up, he snuggled in closer, jamming his face into draco’s neck

“i’d let my boyfriend get breakfast if he hadn’t been so rude when waking me up” he mumbled back. what draco didn’t know, however, is that he did not know that harry had been awake before him, enjoying the peace before draco would wake up, freak out that harry was wrapped around him and pushing him off. when draco had woken up we was pleasantly surprised that none of the preceding had happened.

“look, potter. we aren’t even a whole day into this relationship and you are giving me reasons to break up with you” harry pulled back, getting out an exasperated ‘fine, fine’ before getting up from the bed and hauling draco out as well

when they walked out of draco’s room, being surprised that the door was unlocked, harry grabbed draco’s hand, causing the latter to blush “it’s like you’re pink and purple, like, since you’re blushing”

“you sure know how to sweet talk a guy, potter” harry laughed in response, his eyes crinkling at the corners, draco smiled looking at him. he was still looking at harry as they reached the common room where they were met with hoots and hollers from their classmates, the purple-haired boy sneered in response

“do you think they’re happy for us?” he looked up at harry and rolled his eyes

“i  wonder what would make you think that,” he paused for a second “i’ll have to write my mum about this, she’ll never see it coming” he smiled to himself

she did see it coming.

_~~~_

_“i finally wanna be alive, i don’t wanna die today”_

_logic, 1-800-273-8255_

_~~~_

it’s just a few weeks until the school year is over, and everyone is sitting at the slytherin table. after harry had decided that he would sit with draco instead of his friends, they had decided to join him. at the slytherin table.

blaise and ernie were still glued to each others side, theo in between them and luna and ginny beside draco, ginny’s arm slapping draco’s back maybe a little two hard after a joke told by harry, who was rightfully next to draco. next to harry was neville, and across from him was hannah. on the other side of the table hermione and ron were sat across from harry and draco, followed by pansy, the dean and seamus, and goyle.

after a late night of, erm, studying with harry, draco was rightfully tired, and sore.. from practicing wand movements. yeah, that’s it. “harry, where’s the coffee, i don’t see any, did you drink all of the coffee”

“you can just have some of mine” he crinkled his nose in response

“you make your coffee too sweet”’ harry rolls his eyes, and draco takes his goblet of coffee anyway

“you drink coffee? i thought you’d be more of a tea kinda person” he looked at ginny, squinting “like i feel like you would have tea parties when you were younger” he instantly looks to goyle, to ensure his silence, because that is _not_ a thing he used to do

“coffee is god's second most important gift to mankind, with the first being me, of course. harry stop laughing” he hit him in the stomach before harry stifled his laugh

“coffee isn’t that good” draco’s head snapped up to where hannah had slandered the only thing keeping him awake at the moment

“shut your whore mouth” neville tossed some of the purple grapes at draco

“don’t talk about my girlfriend like that, malfoy”

“then don’t let her slander the only thing keeping me from murdering her”

“i don’t control her mate, she does her own thing”

seamus lifted one of the granny smith apples and lifted it to draco’s hair “guys! look! malfoy’s hair is the same colour as the apple!” draco narrowed his eyes at the irishman

“if one more person mentions my hair i swear to god i’m going to commit first degree murder in front of, like, a hundred witnesses” harry laughs and pulls him closer

“i like it” draco looked up at him

“i don’t give a fuck what you like, you wanted me to dye it red”

harry just laughed and pressed a kiss the the now green-haired boys lips. all was well.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i did put louis tomlinson's and one direction's song in here, i love them both, sue me.
> 
> i hope you liked it! the end is a bit... what it is... but at least i finished it


End file.
